Doesitreallyhavetobethissad?

还清楚地记得看完第一季时的欣喜,带着眼泪,微笑着看着穿着婚纱的Karen跳进Hank的车里,三个人开心地就像童话故事...当时心里真的不知道有多感谢仁慈的编剧,虽然剧中那么曲折,但结尾却美的让人甚至怀疑是出现了幻觉.那时候甚至还觉得,这只不过是个台词很睿智的讨巧的俗套故事....看这个剧的整个过程都在虐心...每次看到Karen和Hank和好的时候,都精神紧张,因为这种美好的假象很快就会被打破,而每次的爆发都会比上一次更加惨烈.一次又一次的打击,都是对坚持的无情考验.就像Hank说的,IcantkeepapologizingforsomethingIcantchange.AllIcandoiskeepmovingforwardandtrytobecomesomeonethatyoucanloveagain.始终是这样的,现在的感情一如当初两人初在一起时的样子,我相信一直都没有变,doesntmatterhowshesmadathim,atleastsheknowsthathesoutthereandthatsomedayshewillseehimagain.很喜欢那个一个回忆的片段,两个人初识,在得知Karen怀孕了之后,hank留下的那封信,淡淡的只言片语...DearKaren,Ifyourereadingthis,itmeansIactuallyworkedupthecouragetomailitsogoodforme.Youdontknowmeverywell,butifyougetmestartedItendtogoonandonabouthowhardthewritingisforme.ThisisthehardestthingIeverhadtowrite.TherenoeasywaytosaythissoIlljustsayit,Imetsomeone.Itwasanaccident,Iwasntlookingforit,Iwasntonethatmakeitwasaperfectstorm.ShesaidonethingandIsaidanotherandthenextthingIknewIwantedtospendtherestofmylifeinthemiddleofthatconversation.Nowtheresfeelinginmygutthatshemightbetheone.Shecompletelynutsinawaythatmakesmesmilehighlyneurotic,agreatdealofmaintenanceacquired.SheisyouKaren,thatsthegoodnews.ThebadnewsisthatIdontknowhowtobewithyourightnow,andthatscarestheshitoutofme.BecauseifIamnotwithyourightnowIhavethisfeelingwewillgetlostoutthere.Itsabigbadworldfulloftwistandturnsandpeoplehaveawayofblinkingandmissingthemoment.Themomentthatcouldvechangedeverything.IdontknowwhatsgoingonwithusandIcanttellyoushouldwastealeapoffaithonthelikesofme.Butdamnyousmellgood,likehomeandyoumakeexcellentcoffeethathastocountforsomething.Callme!Unfaithfullyyours,HankMoody眼泪留下的时候,我自己都没发觉...S4开始Hank就因为内疚,本来想麻痹自己内心,但却因为illeffectsofselfmedicating在迷迷糊糊的伤痛中写下了给becca的信...Tomydearbeautifuldaughter.Imwritingyoualetter,thatsright,agoodoldfashionedletter.Itsalostartreally,likehandjobs...Shit.(thencanceledthisline)Ihaveaconfessiontomake:IdidntlikeyouverymuchatfirstYouwerejustthislittleannoyinglittleblob,Yousmellednice,mostofthetime.Butyoudidntseemtohavemuchinterestinme.WhichofcourseIfoundvaguelyinsulting.Itwasjustyouandyourmomagainsttheworld,funnyhowsomethingsneverchange.SoIcruisedalong,doingmything,actingthefool,notreallyunderstandinghowbeingaparentchangesyou.AndIdontremembertheexactmomenteverythingchanged.Ijustknowthatitdid.OneminuteIwasimpenetrable,nothingcouldtouchme,thenextmyheartwassomehowbeatingoutsidemychest,exposedtotheelements.Lovingyouhasbeenthemostprofound,intenseandpainfulexperienceofmylife.Infactitsbeenalmosttoomuchtobear.Asyourfather,Imadeasilentvowtoprotectyoufromtheworld.NeverrealisedIwastheonewhowouldenduphurtingyouthemost.WhenIflashforwardmyheartbreaks.MostlybecauseIcantimagineyouspeakingofmewithanysortofpride.Howcouldyou?Yourfatherisachildinamansbody,hecaresfornothingandeverythingatthesametime.Nobleinthoughtweakinaction.Somethinghastochange,somethinghastogive.Itsgettingdark,toodarktosee...本没想到S4一开始就煽情,但接下来就犹如伤口还没愈合又撕裂开来一般痛苦...看着Hank无言地转身,看着心爱的人就在咫尺,而撩动发梢的人不是自己时,那一刻眼神低垂,说不尽的痛楚此刻都纠结在心头了.Iwillgoifyouaskmeto...Iwillstayifyoudare...(一季就纠结这么一个trial...真让人无语~)......S4结束了,Hank在法庭上出现幻觉那一刻,想着自己穿着号服,关在铁笼子里的样子,有那么一秒,穿越到了AgentMulder,原来那一刻,暴露了Hank其实无比脆弱的防线,听到3年的字样就已经支撑不住了,可这又怎么能怪他呢,他自己都说,我只是蜷在大人壳子里的孩子,管不住自己,不想硬撑,想改变,却没办法发自内心.所以,只追求自己想要的,后面的最后的晚餐很是给力,发现每一季的最后一集都能点亮整个一季.everyoneistellingthetruth.很赞这个晚餐上由RobLowe推动的高潮,其实charlie说的话不也正是hank想说的嘛Isleptwithallthosewomen,forwhat?!fortryingtoforgether,butitsimpossible.so,Iwillalwaysloveher.紧接着thebaby,thestabbed,girlsfighting,thelonelyaftermathofthechaos,一个接一个,很是过瘾.到这里,我觉得这一季的结尾已经很圆满,很点题了.Ben下水救hank,hank脑子里想的是blackjesus,这情节就好象S1开篇时候,hank做梦梦见在教堂里的askforahandjob的bill;ben就像一个年轻版的bill,带着个叛逆摇滚范儿的mia...hank开着车,带着自己的打字机,开进海报的那一刻,不也就是S1开篇时候hank开着那辆破车,狂奔在公路上,急速驶过写着CrazyLittleThingCalledLove的映射嘛....已经一个轮回了哦,原来折腾了那么一大圈,他还在那里,她也始终没有离开.实在想不出S5会讲些什么了.P.S.喜欢hank在片场推到自己椅子的动作,这也是为什么一直迷hank的原因,doesntgiveashit.thisismystory,thisismylife.youappreciateit,youdont,itdoesntmatter.