浪漫暴力喜剧

《这个杀手将有难》在英国权威电影杂志评选的50部最伟大喜剧中排行第21，IMDB的评分也高达7.4分。虽然电影的主角是杀手，却由书卷气的约翰·库萨克出演，这样的反差，使得这部略带黑色幽默的喜剧显得别具匠心。有趣的是，本片也是一部家族式的聚会，在本片中，库萨克演艺家族的成员悉数上阵，你可以在影片最后的演员表中找到N个姓CUSACK的名字精彩对白：Marty:Debishouse.Paul:Kindacreptuponyou,didntit?Marty:No,youdroveushere.Paul:[pause]Yep.Marcella:Youknow,whenyoustartedgettinginvitedtoyourtenyearhighschoolreunion,timeiscatchingup.MartinQ.Blank:Areyoutalkingaboutasenseofmyownmortalityorafearofdeath?Marcella:Well,Ineverreallythoughtaboutitquitelikethat.MartinQ.Blank:Didyougotoyours?Marcella:Yes,Idid.Itwasjustasifeveryonehadswelled.[Talkingtohispsychiatristaboutgoingtohishighschoolreunion]Marty:Theyallhavehusbandsandwivesandchildrenandhousesanddogs,and,youknow,theyveallmadethemselvesapartofsomethingandtheycantalkaboutwhattheydo.WhatamIgonnasay?quot;IkilledthepresidentofParaguaywithafork.Howveyoubeen?quot;Marty:ThisyourBeamer?Paul:Yeah.Marty:InDetroit?Thatssacrilege!Mr.Grocer:Afterwedoyourjob,weregonnadoanotherjob.Marty:Tellmeaboutit.Mr.Grocer:LikeImgonnaputabulletholeinyourfuckinforehead,andImgonnafuckthebrainhole!Debi:Somepeoplesayforgiveandforget.Nah,Idontknow.Isayforgetaboutforgivingandjustaccept.And...getthehelloutoftown.[repeatedline]Marty:IfIshowupatyourdoor,chancesareyoudidsomethingtobringmethere.[toherson]MaryBlank:Youreahandsomedevil.Whatsyourname?[toDebisfather,whilefleeingfromGrocer]Marty:Iwashiredtokillyou.ButImnotgoingto.ItseitherbecauseIminlovewithyourdaughterorIhaveanewfoundrespectforlife.[Inpursuingcar]Mr.Grocer:Thatpunkseitherinlovewiththatguysdaughterorhesgotanewfoundrespectforlife.MartinQ.Blank:Youmustvedonesome*naughty*shitthere,Bart.[flipsdossierovertohim]MartinQ.Blank:Theresacontractoutonyourlife.Believeme.Iwashiredtokillyou,butImnotgoingtodoit.ItseitherbecauseIminlovewithyourdaughterorbecauseIhaveanewfoundrespectforlife.Mr.Grocer:[followinginvan]Thatpunkiseitherinlovewiththatguysdaughterorhehasanewfoundrespectforlife.Mr.Newberry:[afterreadingcontract/dossier]Mywholelife!MartinQ.Blank:Hopefullynot.MartinQ.Blank:Oh,thereasonIcalled...Couldyoufindoutwhoelseisintown?Ivemadetwospooksandagoonalready,soiftheyvedouble-bookedthejob,and/ortheyregoingtokillme,Idliketoknow.Ifyoucouldfindthatout,thatdbegreat.[MartingivesDebiabouquetofflowers]Debi:Illgoputtheseinsomerubbingalcohol.McCullers:Yougotanyideashowyouwannawaxthisguy?Steve:Cantyoujustsaykill?Yaalwaysgottaromanticizeit.Dr.Oatman:Martin,Imemotionallyinvolvedwithyou.Marty:Howareyouemotionallyinvolvedwithme?Dr.Oatman:Imafraidofyou.Marty:Youreafraidofme.Dr.Oatman:Andthatconstitutesanemotionalinvolvement,anditwouldbeunethicalformetoworkwithyouunderthosecircumstances.Marty:Youdontknowmycat.Itsverydemanding.Debi:quot;Itquot;?Youdontknowifitsaboyoragirl?Marty:Irespectitsprivacy.Debi:So,isthereaMrs.Mysterio?MartinQ.Blank:No,butIdohaveaverynicecat?Debi:Notthesame.MartinQ.Blank:Well,youdontknowmycat,itsverydemanding.Debi:It?Youdontknowifitsaboyorgirl?MartinQ.Blank:Irespectitsprivacy.Paul:Ivegottogetsomethingoffmychest.Haveyoubeenhometoseetheoldhouse?MartinQ.Blank:Yeah.Torndowninthenameofconvenience.Paul:Yeah,IbrokeredthedealMartinQ.Blank:Oh,wow.Wow.Paul:Itriedtogetafamilythere,butUltimartmadethebestoffer.MartinQ.Blank:Well,thankyouforprofitingonmychildhood.Marty:Whyareyousointerestedinmegoingtomyhighschoolreunion?Marcella:Ijustfinditamusingthatyoucamefromsomewhere.Mr.Newberry:Whathaveyoubeendoingwithyourlife?Marty:Uh...professionalkiller.Mr.Newberry:Oh!Goodforyou,itsa...growthindustry.Debi:Youknowwhatyouneed?Marty:What?Debi:Shakabuku.Marty:Youwannatellmewhatthatmeans?Debi:Itsaswift,spiritualkicktotheheadthataltersyourrealityforever.Marty:Oh,thatdbegood.Ithink.MartinQ.Blank:[LeavingamessageonDr.Oatmansmachine]Dr.Oatman,pleasepickup,pickup!ItsMartinBlank!I,Imstandingwheremy,uh,livingroomwasanditsnotherebecausemyhouseisgoneanditsanUltimart!Youcannevergohomeagain,Oatman...butIguessyoucanshopthere.[afterhissecretarypissedhimoff]Marty:Marcella...youknowwhatIdoforaliving.MartinQ.Blank:DontyouthinkthatmaybeyourejustupsetbecauseItoldyouwhatIdoforaliving,andyougotupsetand*youre*lettingitinterferewith*our*dynamic?Dr.Oatman:Whoa.Martin.Youdidnttellmewhatyoudidforaliving...MartinQ.Blank:Yes,Idid!Dr.Oatman:Youdidnttellmewhatyoudidforalivingfor*four*sessions.*Then*youtoldme.AndIsaid,quot;Idontwanttoworkwithyouanymore.quot;Andyet,youcomebackeachweekatthesametime.Thatsadifficultyforme.Ontopofthat,ifyouvecommittedacrimeoryourethinkingaboutcommittingacrime,Ihavetotelltheauthorities.MartinQ.Blank:Iknowthelaw,okay?ButIdontwanttobewithholding;Imveryseriousaboutthisprocess.[pause]MartinQ.Blank:AndIknowwhereyoulive.Dr.Oatman:Oh,nowsee?Thatwasntanicethingtosay;thatwasntdesignedtomakemefeelgood.Thatsa...kindofa...nottoosubtleintimidation,andI,uh,getfilledwithanxietywhenyoutalkaboutsomethinglikethat.MartinQ.Blank:Comeon,comeon.Iwasjustkidding,allright?Thethoughtnevercrossedmymind.Dr.Oatman:Youdidthinkofit,Martin!Youthoughtit,andthenyousaidit.Andnow,Imleftwiththeaftermathofthat,thinkingIgottabecreativeinareallyinterestingwayorMartinsgonnablowmybrainsout!Youreholdingmehostage.Thatsnotright.[AfterMartytellsDebihekillspeopleforaliving]Debi:Youdontgetit!Youdontgettohaveme!Marty:Youreoverreacting!Marty:Whatareyoudoinghere?UltimartCarl:Imdoingadoubleshift.Whatdoesitlooklike?Marty:Howlonghaveyouworkedhere?UltimartCarl:Acouplemonths.Marty:Isthemanagerhere?Doyouhaveasupervisor?UltimartCarl:No.They--Marty:[Interrupting]Howlonghavetheyworkedhere?UltimartCarl:Imnottellinyou.Marty:Yeah?Wheredoyoulive?UltimartCarl:Imnottellinyouthat,either.Marty:Wheredoesyourmanagerlive?Who--Iusedto--Where--W-whatareyoudoinghere?UltimartCarl:Iworkhere.Marty:Whatareyoudoinghere?UltimartCarl:Iworkhere.Marty:Andhowlonghaveyouworkedhere?UltimartCarl:Onlyacouplemonths.Marty:Allright,allright.Whatsdoneisdone.Justforgetaboutthewholething.Marty:[aftershootingaguythreetimesandbashinghisheadinwithaskillet]Debi,Iminlovewithyou!AndIknowwecanmakethisrelationshipwork.MartinQ.Blank:Doyou*really*believethattheressomestoredupconflictthatexistsbetweenus?There*is*nous.*We*dontexist.Sowhodoyouwannahit,man?Itsnotme.Nowwhaddyawannadohere,man?Bob:[Pullsoutafoldeduppieceofpaper]MartinQ.Blank:Idontknowwhatthatis.Bob:Thesearemywords.MartinQ.Blank:Itsapoem?See,thatstheproblem...expressyourself,Bob!Goforit.Bob:quot;WhenIfeel...quiet...when...Ifeel...blue...quot;MartinQ.Blank:Youknow,Ithinkthatis*terrific*,whatyouhaverightthere.Really,Ilikedit,alot.Iwouldntsellthedealershiporanythingbut,Imtellinya...itsintense!Bob:Theres...more.MartinQ.Blank:Okay,wouldyamind,justskiptotheend.Bob:To...theveryend?quot;Forawhile.quot;MartinQ.Blank:Whew.Thatsgoodman.Bob:quot;Forawhile.quot;MartinQ.Blank:Thatsexcellent!Bob:Youwannadosomeblow?MartinQ.Blank:NoIdont.Bob:[HugsMartin]Bob:Realsmart.Cmon.Letsseehowsmartyouarewithmyfootupyourass![Repeatedline]Marty:Itsnotme.Victim:WhateverImdoingyoudontlike...Illstopdoingit.Marty:Itsnotme.Debi:Youreapsychopath.Marty:No,no.Psychopathskillfornoreason.Ikillfor*money*.Itsa*job*.Thatdidntcomeoutright.Mr.Grocer:Workersoftheworld,unite!Mr.Grocer:[singing]IllbecominaroundthemountainwhenIcome/IllbecominaroundthemountainwhenIcome/Illbeblowinyourfuckinheadoff/Illbeblowinyourfuckinheadoff/IllbewhackinyourfuckinmindoutwhenIcome.Paul:HeyJennySlater.HeyJennySlater.HeyJennySlater.Marty:Imaprofessionalkiller.Paul:Doyouhavetodopostgraduateworkforthat?Amy:Whereyabeentheselasttenyears?Debi:Yeah,whereyabeen,quot;Marvquot;?Amy:Yalookgreat!MartinQ.Blank:Thanks.IworkatKentuckyFriedChicken.Amy:Yadonot!MartinQ.Blank:Ido!IsellbiscuitsandgravyallovertheSouthland.Amy:Youresofunny.Debi:Hesafunnyguy.Amy:Whatdoyoudo?Marty:IworkatKentuckyFriedChicken.IsellbiscuitsandgravyallovertheSouthlands.Waitress:Whatdoyouwantinyouromelette,sir?Marty:Nothingintheomelette,nothingatall.Waitress:Well,thatsnottechnicallyanomelette.Marty:Look,Idontwanttogetintoasemanticargument,Ijustwanttheprotein.Dr.Oatman:Dontkillanybodyforafewdays.Seewhatitfeelslike.MartinQ.Blank:Alright,Illgiveitashot.Dr.Oatman:No,dontgiveitashot!Dontshootanything!Debi:Whereareallthegoodmendead,intheheartorinthehead?Mr.Newberry:DidIhaveyoufiguredwrong?Marty:Idontknow-ImeanIhopeso.Mr.Newberry:Ivisualisedyouinahazeasoneofthoseslackster,flannel-wearing,coffee-housemisanthropesIvebeenseeinginNewsweek.Marty:Nonono,Iwenttheotherroad.Sixfigures,doingbusinesswithleadpipecruelty,mercenerysensibility.Youknow...sports,sex,norealrelationships.Howaboutyou-howhavetheyearsbeentreatingyou?Mr.Newberry:WellyouknowmeMartin-stillthesameoldsell-out,exploitingtheoppressed...Marty:Sure.Mr.Newberry:Ahwhatapieceofworkisman,hownoble...ohfuckit,letshaveadrinkandforgetthewholedamnthing.Mr.Grocer:ThisisDurazac15,kid.ItmakesProzacseemlikede-caflatte.Marty:Idontdothatstuffanymore.Mr.Grocer:Dontsayquot;doit,quot;becauseIdontquot;doit,quot;I*ingest*it,onordersofmyneurophysiologist.Thisstuffislegal.Infiveyearstheyllbeputtingitinthewaterforcitizens,justlikefluoride.KevinMcCullers:Man,whydontwejustdohisjob,sowecandoourjobandgetthefuckoutofhere?Steve:Whatdoyoumean,quot;dohisjob?quot;WhatamI,acold-bloodedkiller?Imnotacold-bloodedkiller.KevinMcCullers:Now,waitaminute...Steve:No,youwaitaminute.Youwanttokillthegoodguybutnotbethebadguy.Doesntworklikethat.Youhavetowaituntilthebadguykillsthegoodguy,thenwhenyoukillthebadguy,yourethegoodguy.KevinMcCullers:So-justtoclarify-ifwedohisjobwerethebadguys,andifwedoourjobwerethegoodguys.Steve:Yes.KevinMcCullers:Thats...great.Marty:Oatman?Donthangup.Listen,Ididntkillanyone-exceptsomeguytriedtokillme,soifIseethatguyagain,Imdefinitelygonnakillhim,butImnotgoingtokillanybodyelse.ImonmywaytothereunionnowwithDebi,butImjustalittlenervous,andIdliketodoaphoner.Dr.Oatman:O.K.,repeatafterme.quot;Iamathomewiththeme.Iamrootedinthemewhoisonthisadventure.quot;Marty:Iamathomewiththeme,Iamrootedinthemewhoisonthisadventure.Dr.Oatman:Good.Nowtakeadeepbreath,andrealizethatthisismebreathing.Marty:Wait,Imconfused.Doyouwantmetosayitordoyouwantmetorealizeit?Dr.Oatman:What?Marty:Aboutthebreathing.Dr.Oatman:Sayit.Marty:Thisismebreathing.Dr.Oatman:Good,nowkeepdoingthatforabouttwentyminutes.Marty:Listen,Igottogo.Dr.Oatman:O.K.Keepitup.Dontkillanybody.Marty:Right![Hangsup]Marcella:Sir,Imreallybeginningtoworryaboutyoursafety.Marty:Look,Igottogo.Marcella:Yeah,weallgottogosometime,sir,butwecanchoosewhen.Marty:Noonechooseswhen.Marty:Athousandinnocentpeoplegetkilledeveryday!Butamillionairespetgetsdetonated,andyouremarkedforlife.[Practicinginamirrorbeforehishighschoolreunion]Marty:Hi.Im,uh,Imapetpsychiatrist.Isellcouchinsurance.Mm-hmm,andI-andItest-marketpositivethinking.Ileadaweekendmensgroup,wespecializeinritualkillings.Yeah,youlookgreat!God,yeah!Hi,howareyou?Hi,howareyou?Hi,ImMartinBlank,yourememberme?Imnotmarried,Idonthaveanykids,andIdblowyourheadoffifsomeonepaidmeenough.Marcella:YoucantakecareofbusinessandstopbyGrossePointeforyourreunion...Marty:Look,Sgt.Pepper,Ireallyneedyoutoshutupaboutthat.Marcella:Sir,itsoutofmyhands.Thegodswantyoutogobackhomeandtheywanttodeletesomeonewhileyourethere.Marty:Iwassittingtherealoneonpromnight,inagoddamnrentedtuxedo,andmywholelifeflashedbeforemyeyes.AndIrealizedfinally,andforthefirsttime,thatIwantedtokillsomebody.SoIfiguredsinceIlovedyousomuch,itdbeagoodideaifIdidntseeyouanymore.[Wehearacarpullingin]Marty:Theyrerightbehindus.SoIwasintheGulflastyear,Iwasdoingthisthinganyway.AndIcameupoverthisdune,andIsawtheocean...anditwasonfire.Thewholething,onfire,anditwasbeautiful.SoIjustsatthereandwatchedit,andthatswhenIrealizedtheremightbeameaningtolife,youknow,likeanorganicpowerthatconnectsalllivingthings,God,Yahweh,Idunno.[Martyshootstworoundsthroughthedoor,takingoutthethugbehindit]Debi:Everybodyscomingbacktotakestockoftheirlives.YouknowwhatIsay?Leaveyourlivestockalone.KenMcCullard:Idodivorcemainly,someproperty,somepersonalinjury.Marty:Theyallseemkindarelated.Marty:ImsorryifIfuckedupyourlife.Debi:Itsnotoveryet.Mr.Grocer:Hey,ifyourelookinforafatherfigureIllgiveyouaspankin!Mr.Grocer:EasythereChief,IdontseeHollow-PointWoundCareonthemenu.Marty:WhyareyouinDetroit?Redwingsneedanewgoon?Bob:Imdrawingacomplete...Blank.Debi:Ishouldhavewornaskirt.Marty:Ishouldhavebroughtmygun.Debi:Whatwasthat?Marty:Shouldbefun!Debi:Youreafucking*psycho*.Marty:Dontrushtojudgmentonsomethinglikethatuntilallthefactsarein.Debi:Okay.So.Youreback...adecadelate,and...youreonsomesortoftherapeuticassignment,andyouwanttosortthingsoutwithme.Sothequestionnowbecomes,doIallowyouaccesstomeor...doIcallsecurity?Marty:Idontthinkthatdbeagoodidea.Debi:Nextcaller,youreontheair.Nathaniel:Debbie?Man,itsNathaniel.Uh,Idonthearanyrealremorse,dude,Imean,like,IdontthinkIdlethimbackintoyourlife.Anddude,Idmakehimwearthatpromdress!Paul:Okay,well,Illseeyouatthequot;IvepeakedandImkiddingmyselfquot;party.Debi:Howcomeyouneverlearnedthatitwaswrong?Thattherearecertainthingsyoudonotdo,youdonotdoinacivilizedsociety?Marty:Whichcivilizationsarewetalkingabout?Debi:Oh,shutup!Marty:Imean,history...Debi:Shutup!Steve:Tellyouwhat,whydontItaketheweekendoffand*you*killhim,sinceyoutwoaresoclose?Marty:WhataboutthosetwoguysinaCapriceClassicoutside?ThewordisyouturnedtwoGovernmentsonme,youturncoat.Mr.Grocer:Me?Marty:You.Mr.Grocer:GoG?Marty:Yes.Mr.Grocer:Onyou?Marty:Yes.Mr.Grocer:Never.Marcella:Donthangup!Wait!Didyareadyesterdaysoffer?Marty:Holdonaminute.Marcella:ItsinFrench.ItsaGreenpeaceboat.Itdbesoeasy.Marty:Noway!Ihavescruples.Marcella:Sir,theyreveryunhappy.MartinQ.Blank:Imveryunhappy.Marcella:Itwassupposedtolooklikeaheartattack!Hewassupposedtodieinhissleep!MartinQ.Blank:Well,hemoved.Debi:Ifyoulovesomething,setitfree.Ifitcomesbacktoyou,its,well,broken.Marcella:Asagraduateoftheclassof1986,youaresomeonespecial.Remember,theresnowhereyoucangothatyouhaventlearnedhowtogointime.Whateverthehellthatmeans.Arlene:[aboutthenametagsshesmadeforthereunion]Ihadtheyearbookpicturesputonsoeverybodyknowswhoeverybodywas!MartinQ.Blank:Aspecialtorture![theUltimarthasjustbeenblownup]MartinQ.Blank:Areyouallright?UltimartCarl:No,Imnotallright!MartinQ.Blank:Takeiteasy.UltimartCarl:Imhurt...Impissed...gottafindanewjob!Mr.Grocer:Lookatthat!Empty!Mr.Grocer:[MartyandGrocerareshootingeachother]Comrade!Comrade!Marty:What?Mr.Grocer:Whydontyoujustjointheunion,wellgoupstairstogetherandcapdaddy!Marty:Thisunion,theresgonnabemeetings?Mr.Grocer:Ofcourse!Marty:Nomeetings.[Theycontinueshooting]Paul:[afterJennySlaterhasbeendismissivetowardshim]Iwasjusttryingtogetalittlevalidationformylife.IguessIcameupabitSHORT!Marty:[attheendofarunninggunbattle]Youdontneedtoanswerrightnow,butDebi,willyoumarryme?Mr.Newberry:[pokeshisheadupfromthebathtub]Yougotmyblessing!Debi:WhatisthisImfeeling?Isitpain?Panic?Hunger?AmIhungry?Whoshungry?Mr.Newberry:DesignDivisionwantsmedeadoveraleakysunroofandyouwanttokillmebecauseof*that*?MartinQ.Blank:Its*not*me!Whydoeseveryonealwaysthinkitspersonal?