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　　Yousaytotheboyopenyoureyes　　Whenheopenshiseyesandseesthelight　　Youmakehimcryout.Saying　　OBluecomeforth　　OBluearise　　OBlueascend　　OBluecomein　　　　IamsittingwithsomefriendsinthiscafedrinkingcoffeeservedbyyoungrefugeesfromBosnia.ThewarragesacrossthenewspapersandthroughtheruinedstreetsofSarajevo.　　　　TaniasaidYourclothesareonbacktofrontandinsideoutquot;.SincetherewereonlytwoofusthereItookthemoffandputthemrightthenandthere.Iamalwaysherebeforethedoorsopen.　　　　Whatneedofsomuchnewsfromabroadwhileallthatconcernseitherlifeordeathisalltransactingandatworkwithinme.　　　　Istepoffthekerbandacyclistnearlyknocksmedown.Flyinginfromthedarkhenearlypartedmyhair.　　　　Istepintoabluefunk.　　　　ThedoctorinSt.BartholomewsHospitalthoughthecoulddetectlesionsinmyretina-thepupilsdilatedwithbelladonna-thetorchshoneintothemwithaterribleblindinglight.　　　　Lookleft　　Lookdown　　Lookup　　Lookright　　　　Blueflashesinmyeyes.　　　　BlueBottlebuzzing　　Lazydays　　Theskybluebutterfly　　Swaysonthecornflower　　Lostinthewarmth　　Oftheblueheathaze　　Singingtheblues　　Quietandslowly　　　　Blueofmyheart　　Blueofmydreams　　Slowbluelove　　Ofdelphiniumdays　　　　Blueistheuniversalloveinwhichmanbathes-itistheterrestrialparadise.　　　　Imwalkingalongthebeachinahowlinggale-　　Anotheryearispassing　　Intheroaringwaters　　Ihearthevoicesofdeadfriends　　Loveislifethatlastsforever.　　Myheartsmemoryturnstoyou　　David.Howard.Graham.Terry.Paul....　　　　Butwhatifthispresent　　Weretheworldslastnight　　Inthesettingsunyourlovefades　　Diesinthemoonlight　　Failstorise　　Thricedeniedbycockcrow　　Inthedawnsfirstlight　　　　Lookleft　　Lookdown　　Lookup　　Lookright　　Thecameraflash　　Atomicbright　　Photos　　TheCMV-agreenmoonthentheworldturnsmagenta　　Myretina　　Isadistantplanet　　AredMars　　FromaBoysOwncomic　　Withyellowinfection　　Bubblingatthecorner　　Isaidthislookslikeaplanet　　Thedoctorsays-quot;Oh,Ithink　　Itlookslikeapizzaquot;　　　　Theworstoftheillnessisuncertainty.Iveplayedthisscenariobackandfortheachhourofthedayforthelastsixyears.　　Bluetranscendsthesolemngeographyofhumanlimits.　　　　Iamhomewiththeblindsdrawn　　H.B.isbackfromNewcastle　　Butgoneout-thewashing　　Machineisroaringaway　　Andthefridgeisdefrosting　　Thesearehisfavouritesounds　　　　Ivebeengiventheoptionofbeinganin-patientatthehospitalortocomingintwiceadaytobehookedtoadrip.Myvisionwillnevercomeback.　　　　Theretinaisdestroyed,thoughwhenthebleedingstopswhatisleftofmysightmightimprove.Ihavetocometotermswithsightlessness.　　　　IfIloosemysightwillmyvisionbehalved?　　　　Thevirusragesfierce.Ihavenofriendsnowwhoarenotdeadordying.Likeabluefrostitcaughtthem.Atwork,atthecinema,onmarchesandbeaches.Inchurchesontheirknees,running,flying,silentorshoutingprotest.　　　　Itstartedwithsweatsinthenightandswollenglands.Thentheblackcancerspreadacrosstheirfaces-astheyfoughtforbreathTBandpneumoniahammeredtheirlungs,andToxoatthebrain.Reflexesscrambled-sweatpouredthroughhairmatterlikelianasinthetropicalforest.Voicesslurred-andthenwerelostforever.Mypenchasedthisstoryacrossthepagetossedthiswayandthatinthestorm.　　　　Thebloodofsensibilityisblue　　Iconsecratemyself　　Tofinditsmostperfectexpression　　　　Mysightfailedalittlemoreinthenight　　H.B.offersmehisblood　　Itwillkilleverythinghesays　　　　ThedripofDHPG　　Trillslikeacanary　　　　IamaccompaniedbyashadowintowhichH.B.appearsanddisappears.Ihavelostthesightontheperipheryofmyrighteye.　　　　Iholdoutmyhandsbeforemeandslowlypartthem.Atacertainmomenttheydisappearoutofthecornerofmyeyes.ThisishowIusedtosee.NowifIrepeatthemotionthisisallIsee.　　　　Ishallnotwinthebattleagainstthevirus-inspiteofthesloganslikequot;LivingwithAIDSquot;.Theviruswasappropriatedbythewell-sowehavetolivewithAIDSwhiletheyspreadthequiltforthemothsofIthacaacrossthewinedarksea.　　　　Awarenessisheightenedbythis,butsomethingelseislost.Asenseofrealitydrownedintheatre.　　　　Thinkingblind,becomingblind.　　　　Inthehospitalitisasquietasatomb.Thenursefightstofindaveininmyrightarm.Wegiveupafterfiveattempts.Wouldyoufaintifsomeonestuckaneedleintoyourarm?Ivegotusedtoit-butIstillshutmyeyes.　　　　TheGautamaBuddhainstructsmetowalkawayfromillness.Buthewasntattachedtoadrip.　　　　Fateisthestrongest　　FateFatedFatal　　IresignmyselftoFate　　BlindFate　　Thedripstings　　Alumpswellsupinmyarm　　Outcomesthedrip　　Anelectricshocksparksupmyarm　　　　HowcanIwalkawaywithadripattachedtome?　　HowamIgoingtowalkawayfromthis?　　　　Ifillthisroomwiththeechoofmanyvoices　　Whopassedtimehere　　Voicesunlockedfromtheblueofthelongdriedpaint　　Thesuncomesandfloodsthisemptyroom　　Icallitmyroom　　Myroomhaswelcomedmanysummers　　Embracedlaughterandtears　　Canitfillitselfwithyourlaughter　　Eachwordasunbeam　　Glancinginthelight　　ThisisthesongofMyRoom　　Bluestretches,yawnsandisawake.　　　　ThereisaphotointhenewspaperthismorningofrefugeesleavingBosnia.Theylookoutoftime.PeasantwomenwithscarvesandblackdressessteppedfromthepagesofanolderEurope.Oneofthemhaslostherthreechildren.　　　　Lightningflickersthroughthehospitalwindow-atthedooranelderlywomanstandswaitingfortheraintoclear.IaskherifIcangiveheralift,Ivehailedataxi.quot;CanyoutakemetoHolborntube?quot;Onthewayshebreaksdownintears.ShehascomefromEdinburgh.Hersonisintheward-hehasmeningitisandhaslosttheuseofhislegs-Imhelplessasthetearsflow.Icantseeher.Justthesoundofhersobbing.　　　　Oneknowthewholeworld　　Withoutstirringabroad　　Withoutlookingoutofthewindow　　Onecanseethewayofheaven　　Thefurtheronegoes　　Thelessoneknows　　　　Inthepandemoniumofimage　　IpresentyouwiththeuniversalBlue　　Blueanopendoortosoul　　Aninfinitepossibility　　Becomingtangible　　　　HereIamagaininthewaitingroom.HellonEarthisawaitingroom.Hereyouknowyouarenotincontrolofyourself,waitingforyournametobecalled:quot;712213quot;.Hereyouhavenoname,confidentialityisnameless.Whereis666?AmIsittingoppositehim/her?Maybe666isthedementedwomanswitchingthechannelsontheTV.　　　　WhatdoIsee　　Pastthegatesofconscience　　ActivistsinvadingSundayMass　　Inthecathedral　　AnepicCzarIvandenouncingthe　　PatriarchofMoscow　　Amoon-facedboywhospitsandrepeatedly　　Crosseshimself-ashegenuflects　　Willthepearlygatesslamshutin　　Thefacesofthedevout　　　　Thedementedwomanisdiscussingneedles-thereisalwaysadiscussionhere.Shehasalineputintoherneck.　　Howareweperceived,ifwearetobeperceivedatall?Forthemostpartweareinvisible.　　　　Ifthedoorsofperceptionwerecleansedtheneverythingwouldbeseenasitis.　　　　Thedogbarks,thecaravanpasses.　　MarcoPolostumblesacrosstheBlueMountain.　　　　MarcoPolostopsandsitsonalapisthronebytheRiverOxuswhileheisministeredtobythedescendantsofAlexandertheGreat.Thecaravanapproaches,bluecanvassesflutteringinthewind.Bluepeoplefromoverthesea-ultramarine-havecometocollectthelapiswithitsflecksofgold.　　TheroadtothecityofAquaVitaeisprotectedbyalabyrinthbuiltfromcrystalsandmirrorswhichinthesunlightcauseterribleblindness.Themirrorsreflecteachofyourbetrayals,magnifythemanddriveyouintomadness.　　　　Bluewalksintothelabyrinth.Absolutesilenceisdemandedtoallitsvisitors,sotheirpresencedoesnotdisturbthepoetswhoaredirectingtheexcavations.Diggingcanonlyproceedonthecalmestofdaysasrainandwinddestroythefinds.　　　　Thearchaeologyofsoundhasonlyjustbeenperfectedandthesystematiccataloguingofwordshasuntilrecentlybeenundertakeninahaphazardway.Bluewatchedasawordorphrasematerialisedinscintillatingsparks,apoetryoffirewhichcastseverythingintodarknesswiththebrightnessofitsreflections.　　　　AsateenagerIusedtoworkfortheRoyalNationalInstitutefortheBlindontheirChristmasappealforradios,withdearmissPunch,seventyyearsold,whousedtoarriveeachmorningonherHarleyDavidson.　　　　Shekeptusonourtoes.HerjobasagardenergavehertimetospareinJanuary.MissPunchLeatherWomanwasthefirstoutdykeIevermet.Closetedandfrightenedbymysexualityshewasmyhope.quot;Climbon,letsgoforaride.quot;ShelookedlikeEdithPiaf,asparrow,andworeacock-eyedberetatasaucyangle.Shebossedalltheotheroldgirlswhocamebackyearafteryearforhercompany.　　　　Inthepapertoday.ThreequartersoftheAIDSorganisationsarenotprovidingsafersexinformation.Onedistrictsaidtheyhadnoqueersintheircommunity,butyoumighttrydistrictX-theyhaveatheatre.　　　　Mysightseemstohaveclosedin.Thehospitalisevenquieterthismorning.Hushed.Ihaveasinkingfeelinginmystomach.Ifeeldefeated.Mymindbrightasabuttonbutmybodyfallingapart-anakedlightbulbinadarkandruinedroom.Thereisdeathintheairherebutwearenottalkingaboutit.ButIknowthesilencemightbebrokenbydistraughtvisitorsscreaming,quot;Help,Sister!HelpNurse!quot;followedbythesoundoffeetrushingalongthecorridor.Thensilence.　　　　Blueprotectswhitefrominnocence　　Bluedragsblackwithit　　Blueisdarknessmadevisible　　Blueprotectswhitefrominnocence　　Bluedragsblackwithit　　Blueisdarknessmadevisible　　　　OverthemountainsistheshrinetoRita,whereallattheendofthelinecall.RitaistheSaintoftheLostCause.Thesaintofallwhoareattheirwitsend,whoarehedgedinandtrappedbythefactsoftheworld.Thesefacts,detachedfromcause,trappedtheBlueEyedBoyinasystemofunreality.Wouldalltheseblurredfactsthatdeceivedissolveinhislastbreath?Foraccustomedtobelievinginimage,anabsoluteideaofvalue,hisworldhadforgottenthecommandofessence:ThouShallNotCreateUntoThyselfAnyGravenImage,althoughyouknowthetaskistofilltheemptypage.Fromthebottomofyourheart,praytobereleasedfromimage.　　　　Timeiswhatkeepsthelightfromreachingus.　　　　Theimageisaprisonofthesoul,yourheredity,youreducation,yourvicesandaspirations,yourqualities,yourpsychologicalworld.　　　　Ihavewalkedbehindthesky.　　Forwhatareyouseeking?　　ThefathomlessblueofBliss.　　　　Tobeanastronautofthevoid,leavethecomfortablehousethatimprisonsyouwithreassurance.　　Remember,　　　　Tobegoingandtohavearenoteternal-fightthefearthatengendersthebeginning,themiddleandtheend.　　　　ForBluetherearenoboundariesorsolutions.　　　　Howdidmyfriendscrossthecobaltriver,withwhatdidtheypaytheferryman?Astheysetoutfortheindigoshoreunderthisjet-blacksky-somediedontheirfeetwithabackwardglance.DidtheyseeDeathwiththehellhoundspullingadarkchariot,bruisedblue-blackgrowingdarkintheabsenceoflight,didtheyheartheblastoftrumpets?　　　　DavidranhomepanickedonthetrainfromWaterloo,broughtbackexhaustedandunconscioustodiethatnight.Terrywhomumbledincoherentlyintohisincontinenttears.OthersfadedlikeflowerscutbythescytheoftheBlueBeardedReaper,parchedasthewatersoflifereceded.Howardturnedslowlytostone,petrifieddaybyday,hismindimprisonedinaconcretefortressuntilallwecouldhearwerehisgroansonthetelephonecirclingtheglobe.　　　　MadVincentsitsonhisyellowchairclaspinghiskneestohischest-Bananas.Thesunflowerswiltintheemptypot,bonedry,skeletal,theblackseedspickedintothestaringfaceofaHalloweenpumpkin.HeisunawareofBluestandinginthecorner.Feveredeyesglareatthejaundicedcorn,cawofthejet-blackcrowsspirallingintheyellow.Thelemongoblinstaresfromtheunwantedcanvassesthrowninacorner.Sourpusssuicidescreamswithevil-claspingcowardlyYellowbelly,sliteyed.　　　　BluefightsdiseasedYellowbellywhosefetidbreathscorchesthetreesyellowwithague.Betrayalistheoxygenofhisdevilry.Hellstabyouintheback.Yellowbellyplacesajaundicedkissintheair,thestinkofpubsblindsBlueseyes.Evilswimsintheyellowbile.Yellowbellyssnakeeyespoison.HecrawlsoverEvesrottingapplewasp-like.QuickasaflashhestingsBlueinthemouth-quot;AAAUGH!quot;-hishellishlegionbuzzandchuckleinthemustardgas.Theyllpissalloveryou.Sharpnicotine-stainedfangsbared.Bluetransformedintoaninsectocutor,hisBlueaurafryingthefoes.　　　　Weallcontemplatedsuicide　　Wehopedforeuthanasia　　Wewerelulledintobelieving　　Morphinedispelledpain　　Ratherthanmakingittangible　　LikeamadDisneycartoon　　Transformingitselfinto　　Everyconceivablenightmare　　　　Karlkilledhimself-howdidhedoit?Ineverasked.Itseemedincidental.Whatdiditmatterifheswiggedprussicacidorshothimselfintheeye.Maybehedivedintothestreetsfromhighupinthecloudlappedskyscrapers.　　Thenurseexplainstheimplant.Youmixthedrugsanddripyourselfonceaday.Thedrugsarekeptinasmallfridgetheygiveyou.Canyouimaginetravellingaroundwiththat?Themetalimplantwillsetthebombdetectoroffinairports,andIcanjustseemyselftravellingtoBerlinwithafridgeundermyarm.　　　　Impatientyouthsofthesun　　Burningwithmanycolours　　Flickcombsthroughhair　　Inbathroommirrors　　Fuckingwithfusionandfashion　　Danceinthebeamsofemeraldlasers　　Matingonsuburbanduvets　　Cumsplatterednuclearbreeders　　Whatatimethatwas.　　　　Thedripticksouttheseconds,thesourceofastreamalongwhichtheminutesflow,tojointheriverofhours,theseaofyearsandthetimelessocean.　　　　ThesideeffectsofDHPG,thedrugforwhichIhavetocomeintohospitaltobedrippedtwiceaday,are:Lowwhitebloodcellcount,increasedriskofinfection,lowplateletcountwhichmayincreasetheriskofbleeding,lowredbloodcellcount(anaemia),fever,rush,abnormalliverfunction,chills,swellingofthebody(oedema),infections,malaise,irregularheartbeat,highbloodpressure(hypertension),lowbloodpressure(hypotension),abnormalthoughtsordreams,lossofbalance(ataxia),come,confusion,dizziness,headache,nervousness,damagetonerves(peristhecia),psychosis,sleepiness(somnolence),shaking,nausea,vomiting,lossofappetite(anorexia),diarrhoea,bleedingfromthestomachorintestine(intestinalhaemorrhage),abdominalpain,increasednumberofonetypeofwhitebloodcell,lowbloodsugar,shortnessofbreath,hairloss(alopecia),itching(pruritus),hives,bloodintheurine,abnormalkidneyfunctions,increasedbloodurea,redness(inflammation),painorirritation(phlebitis).　　　　Retinaldetachmentshavebeenobservedinpatientsbothbeforeandafterinitiationoftherapy.Thedrughascauseddecreasedspermproductioninanimalsandmaycauseinfertilityinhumans,andbirthdefectsinanimals.Althoughthereisnoinformationinhumanstudies,itshouldbeconsideredapotentialcarcinogensinceitcausestumoursinanimals.　　　　Ifyouareconcernedaboutanyoftheaboveside-effectsorifyouwouldlikeanyfurtherinformation,pleaseaskyourdoctor.　　　　Inordertobeputonthedrugyouhavetosignapieceofpaperstatingyouunderstandthatalltheseillnessesareapossibility.　　　　IreallycantseewhatIamtodo.Iamgoingtosignit.　　　　Thedarknesscomesinwiththetide　　Theyearslipsonthecalendar　　Yourkissflares　　Amatchstruckinthenight　　Flaresanddies　　Myslumberbroken　　Kissmeagain　　Kissme　　Kissmeagain　　Andagain　　Neverenough　　Greedylips　　Speedwelleyes　　Blueskies　　　　Amansitsinhiswheelchair,hisawry,munchingthroughapacketofdrybiscuits,slowanddeliberateasaprayingmantis.Hespeaksenthusiasticallybutsometimesincoherentlyofthehospice.hesays,quot;Youcantbetoocarefulwhoyoumixwiththere,theresnowayoftellingthevisitors,patientsorstaffapart.Thestaffhavenothingtoidentifythemexcepttheyareallinleather.TheplaceislikeanSMclubquot;.Thishospicehasbeenbuiltbycharity,thenamesofthedonorsdisplayedforalltosee.　　　　Charityhasallowedtheuncaringtoappeartocareandisterribleforthosedependentonit.Ithasbecomebigbusinessasthegovernmentshirksitsresponsibilitiesintheseuncaringtimes.Wegoalongwiththis,sotherichandpowerfulwho****edusoveronce****usoveragainandgetitbothways.Wehavealwaysbeenmistreated,soifanyonegivesustheslightestsympathyweoverreactwithourthanks.　　　　Iamamannish　　Muffdiving　　Sizequeen　　Withbadattitude　　Anarselicking　　Psychofag　　Molestingthefliesofprivacy　　Ballinglesbianboys　　Apervertedheterodemon　　Crossingpurposewithdeath　　　　Iamacocksucking　　Straightacting　　Lesbianman　　Withballcrushingbadmanners　　Laddishnymphomaniacpolitics　　Spunkysexistdesires　　ofincestuousinversionand　　Incorrectterminology　　IamaNotGay　　　　H.B.isinthekitchen　　Greasinghishair　　Heguardsthespace　　Againstme　　Hecallsithisoffice　　Atnineweleaveforthehospital　　　　H.B.comesbackfromtheeyedept　　Whereallmynotesaremuddled　　Hesays　　ItslikeRomaniainthere　　Twolightbulbs　　Grimlyilluminate　　Theflakingwalls　　Thereisaboxofdolls　　Inthecorner　　Indescribablygrim　　Thedoctorsays　　Wellofcourse　　Thekidsdontseethem　　Therearenoresources　　Tobrightentheplaceup　　　　Myeyesstingfromthedrops　　Theinfectionhashalted　　Theflashleaves　　Scarletafterimage　　Ofthebloodvesselsinmyeye　　　　TeethchatteringFebruary　　Coldasdeath　　Pushesatthebedsheets　　Anachingcold　　Interminableasmarble　　Mymind　　Frostedwithdrugsicesup　　Adriftofemptysnowflakes　　Whitingoutmemory　　Ablinkeredtwister　　Circlinginspirals　　Cross-eyedmeddlesomeconsciousness　　ShallI?WillI?　　Doodlingdeathwatch　　Mindhowyougo　　　　OralDHPGisconsumedbytheliver,sotheyhavetweakedamoleculetofoolthesystem.Whatriskisthere?IfIhadtolivefortyyearsblind,Imightthinktwice.Treatmyillnesslikethedodgems:music,brightlights,bumpsandthrowyourselfintolifeagain.　　　　Thepillsarethemostdifficult,sometastebitter,othersaretoolarge.Imtakingaboutthirtyaday,awalkingchemicallaboratory.IgagonthemasIswallowthemandtheycomeuphalfdissolvedinthecoughingandthespluttering.　　　　MyskinssitsonmeliketheshirtofNessus.Myfaceirritates,asdomybackandlegsatnight.Itossandturn,scratching,unabletosleep.Igetup,turnonthelight.Staggertothebathroom.IfIbecomesotired,maybeIllsleep.Filmschasethroughmymind.OnceinawhileIdreamadreamasmagnificentastheTajMahal.IcrosssouthernIndiawithayoungspiritguide-Indiathelandofmydreamingchildhood.ThesouvenirsinMoslemspeachandgreylivingroom.GrannycalledMoselle,calledGirly,calledMay.Anorphanwholosthername,whichwasRuben.jade,monkeys,ivoryminiatures,mah-jongg.ThewindsandbamboosofChina.　　　　Alltheoldtaboosof　　Bloodlinesandbloodbanks　　Bluebloodandbadblood　　Ourbloodandyourblood　　Isithere-yousitthere　　　　AsIsleptajetslammedintoatowerblock.Thejetwasalmostemptybuttwohundredpeoplewerefriedintheirsleep.　　Theearthisdyingandwedonotnoticeit.　　　　AyoungmanfrailasBelsen　　Walksslowlydownthecorridor　　Hispalegreenhospitalpyjamas　　Hangingoffhim　　Itsveryquiet　　Justthedistantcoughing　　Myjugseyeblotsoutthe　　Youngmanwhohasjustwalkedpast　　Myfieldofvision　　Thisillnessknocksyouforsix　　Justasyoustarttoforgetit　　Abulletinthebackofmyhead　　Mightbeeasier　　Youknow,youcantakelongerthan　　Thesecondworldwartogettothegrave.　　　　AgesandAeonsquittheroom　　Explodingintotimelessness　　Noentrancesorexitsnow　　Noneedforobituariesorfinaljudgements　　Weknewthattimewouldend　　Aftertomorrowatsunrise　　Wescrubbedthefloors　　Anddidthewashingup　　Itwouldnotcatchusunawares　　　　Thewhiteflashesyouareexperiencinginyoureyesarecommonwhentheretinaisdamaged.　　　　Thedamagedretinahasstartedtopeelawayleavingtheinnumerableblackfloaters,likeaflockofstarlingsaroundinthetwilight.　　IambackatStMarystohavemyeyeslookedatbythespecialist.Theplaceisthesame,butthereisnewstaff.HowrelievedIamnottohavetheoperationthismorningtohaveatapputintomychest.ImusttryandcheerupH.B.ashehashadahellofafortnight.InthewaitingroomalittlegreymanoverthewayisfrettingashehastogettoSussex.Hesays,quot;Iamgoingblind,Icannotreadanylongerquot;.　　　　Alittlelaterhepicksupanewspaper,struggleswithitforamomentandthrowsitbackonthetable.Mystingingeye-dropshavestoppedmereading,soIwritethisinahazeofbelladonna.Thelittlegreymansfacehasfallenintotragedy.HelookslikeJeanCocteauwithoutthepoetsrefinedarrogance.Theroomisfullofmenandwomensquintingintothedarkindifferentstatesofillness.Somebarelyabletowalk,distressandangeroneveryfaceandthenaterribleresignation.　　　　JeanCocteautakesoffhisglasses,helooksabouthimwithanundescribablemeanness.Hehasblackslip-onshoes,bluesocks,greytrousers,aFairislesweaterandaherringbonejacket.Thepostersthatplasterthewallsabovehimhaveendlessquestionmarks,HIV/AIDS?,AIDS?,HIV?,AREYOUINFECTEDBYHIV/AIDS?,ARC?,HIV?Thisisahardwait.Theshatteringbrightlightoftheeyespecialistscameraleavesthatemptyskyblueafter-image.DidIreallyseegreenthefirsttime?Theafter-imagedissolvesinasecond.Asthephotographsprogress,colourschangetopinkandthelightturnstoorange.Theprocessisatorture,buttheresult,stableeyesight,worththepriceandthetwelvepillsIhavetotakeaday.SometimeslookingatthemIfellnauseousandwanttoskipthem.ItmustbemyassociationwithH.B.,loverofthecomputerandkingofthekeyboardthatbroughtmyluckonthecomputerwhichchosemynameforthisdrugtrial.InearlyforgotasIleftStMarysIsmiledatJeanCocteau.Hegaveasweetsmileback.　　　　Icaughtmyselflookingatshoesinashopwindow.Ithoughtofgoinginandbuyingapair,butstoppedmyself.TheshoesIamwearingatthemomentshouldbesufficienttowalkmeoutoflife.　　　　Pearlfishers　　Inazureseas　　Deepwaters　　Washingtheisleofthedead　　Incoralharbours　　Amphora　　Spill　　Gold　　Acrossthestillseabed　　Weliethere　　Fannedbythebillowing　　Sailsofforgottenships　　Tossedbythemournfulwinds　　Ofthedeep　　LostBoys　　Sleepforever　　Inadearembrace　　Saltlipstouching　　Insubmarinegardens　　Coolmarblefingers　　Touchanantiquesmile　　Shellsounds　　Whisper　　Deeplovedriftingonthetideforever　　Thesmellofhim　　Deadgoodlooking　　Inbeautyssummer　　Hisbluejeans　　Aroundhisankles　　Blissinmyghostlyeye　　Kissme　　Onthelips　　Ontheeyes　　Ournamewillbeforgotten　　Intime　　Noonewillrememberourwork　　Ourlifewillpasslikethetracesofacloud　　Andbescatteredlike　　Mistthatischasedbythe　　Raysofthesun　　Forourtimeisthepassingofashadow　　Andourliveswillrunlike　　Sparksthroughthestubble.　　　　Iplaceadelphinium,Blue,uponyourgrave